Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
