It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
