Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
