I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
