Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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