Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
