Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
