butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
