I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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