somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I supernannyed him into submission
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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