if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
