Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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