Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
My balls are so social today.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
