Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
