I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
