So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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