never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
