I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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