i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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