If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Let's get the cat blown out
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
