I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
