It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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