just come out here and I will go home with you...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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