According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
