when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize