i think i have herpe
just one?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
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