Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
