You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Liz is crying about burritos again.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize