i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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