never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
NoShamevember. You game?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
