Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
