Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
