Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I can't turn off my feet"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
