im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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