I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
