I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
