I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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