i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
