cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Randomize
