you told grandpa to call you daddy
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
