I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Randomize
