You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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