his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
apparently the secret to your success is patron
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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