My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
