Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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