I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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