I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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