You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
