i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
