does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
