Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
