the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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