I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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