if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm too high and old for this...
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