you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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