one two three fourrrrnication!
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
