this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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