at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
