My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
