I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
