Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
