I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
If I die, sorry about rent.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
