Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
