I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
