the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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