I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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