Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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