He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
