That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
